Zelda Mayoff (nee Schwartz) (Abr) On Sunday, July 11, 2010. Beloved wife of Sol for sixty-seven years. Most loving mother and mother-in-law of Donna (Roman), Robert and the late Wendy, Doug and Cynthia, Richard, and Bonnie. Cherished Grandma of Ricky and Evelyn; David; Chelsea, Dylan, and Harley; Ashley; Cory, Daryl, and Oliver; and the late Lori. Proud great-grandmother of Emily, Olivia, Andrew, Montana, Stone and Jade. Dear sister and sister-in-law of Sidney Schwartz (Marilyn), the late Phyllis and the late Lionel Goldsmith, Doris and Hy Zilbert, the late Fritz and the late Mack Perel. Zelda was a special aunt to her many nieces and nephews, and a true friend to many. She will be so very sadly missed. Many thanks to her dedicated caregivers, Kerry, Gigi, Zinny, Julius and Nina. Heartfelt thanks to Dr. Rubin Becker and nurse Elana Cohen. Funeral service from Paperman & Sons, 3888 Jean Talon St. W., on Tuesday, July 13 at 12:00 noon. Burial at the Chevra Kadisha B’nai Jacob Congregation Section, Kehal Israel Cemetery, D.D.O. Shiva private from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. daily. Donations in her memory may be made to the Miriam Home Foundation, (514) 345-1300.
Touching tributes by some of her family members are below.
A Eulogy for Zelda Mayoff
Written & delivered by Bonnie Mayoff
The day I have dreaded is finally here; I can’t believe I’m standing here in front of all of you talking about my mother who is no longer here. When you’ve known someone all your life and she’s made such a huge impact on your life it feels really terrible. One is never really prepared for this life-altering event. However, my mother has left me beautiful, warm memories that I’ll hold dear and remember forever.
When I think of my mother I think of a generous, kind, loving, and supportive person. I think of the love, the sharing, the openness and the compassion she had. When I think of my mother I realize that we had the greatest fortune to have had her in our lives for so long. She was truly more special than any words could ever tell. There are so many things that my mother taught my siblings and me and so many ways in which she influenced us over the years. Through examples, she taught us about compassion, devotion, loyalty and making a difference. I’ll come back to some of the things we learned because of my mom.
My mother came by her special ways, through having bubby Dora and zaidy Harry as loving excellent role models. They too, were the best grandparents we could ever have had.
My mom was completely devoted to Bubby Dora and Zaidy Harry. They counted on my mom and my mom was always there for those two wonderful people doing whatever she could to help them live full lives into their 90’s. Of course she cared for them at the same time as keeping everyone of us kids and my dad perfectly attended to as well. My mom was a good friend to her sister Phyllis and extremely close though they were very different personalities. My mom loved her brother Sid as well. She called him her kid brother even at age 82.
Our mother was the most loving and supportive wife. She was up early every morning by 7:00 to have my dad’s half grapefruit and toast with Swiss cheese waiting at his seat. When he moved onto Oatmeal and oranges for breakfast she had that all ready for him. He called her ‘Dear’ and she called him ‘Solly’ and before he went off to Continental and upon his return she was at the door with her warm kiss. She’d have dinner on the table ready for him and would keep it warm if there was an important golf game in progress. She was there to tell him the names of familiar faces when he couldn’t remember them. After he stopped using Bellingham cleaners because they didn’t do a collar just right, she’d iron his shirts perfectly.
She’d go with him to his favorite restaurants such as the Atlantic Pavillion and to cocktail parties, even though she preferred her McDonalds specialties and leading a more homey life. My mom would know when the time was right to talk to my father and when to hold back for a while on those days that business matters sometimes got him a bit anxious. My mom also entertained my father’s family from out of town on a regular basis. I’d gotten to know that if any of my dad’s siblings from Chicago were coming to visit, I’d be a displaced person to some other room in the house.
Of course my dad adored my mom. He knew when he met her that she was a keeper and together they loved each other and respected each other for 67 years.
My mother could always be counted on to have the large holiday dinners at 325 Dufferin including both our extended family and any person who had no where to go. Robert or Dougie seemed to have friends with no family members in town and they were always welcomed in my mother’s home.
Our mother was the one who supported and cared about the under dog, the people that she felt didn’t have the same good fortune as she did. My mother always defended those that she felt couldn’t defend themselves and sided with one of my oldest friends each and every time we had a childhood fight, for what mattered to my mom was not what we fought about, but only that she didn’t have her mother close by in Montreal and needed a defender.
My father had a distant family relative, Bessie who was a patient at the Douglas Hospital in Verdun. My mother was the only person who regularly visited her.
Richie and I used to go with our mother to visit Bessie with homemade potato latkes and chocolate bars in hand. They were a huge treat to her. My mother would ask, “Bessie, who’s here to see you?” and she would answer in a weak, but appreciative way, “Zelda.” Then my mother would ask “Do you know what I brought for you?” and Bessie would answer, “potato latkes.” I’m sure those visiting days were the happiest that Bessie had each year. My mom used to give us candies and quarters for coffee to hand out to the mentally ill patients that would line the cold corridors that led to Bessie’s room. She wouldn’t exclude anyone to whom she could bring some happiness. I learned a lot from that experience.
It was my mother who was missed by all her children’s ex-boyfriends and girl-friends when a break up occurred, not us, the kids. My mother made everyone feel welcome in her home and it was she that made our house a home. She gave it the warmth and appeal that made it a place of comfort and security for over 57 years. Her kind, demonstrative, loving and adoring ways kept us all close and that warmth radiated throughout our home.
My mother was always there for all of us kids. She was there for every parent/teacher interview, for every piano or dance recital, to give us lifts to and from school in inclement weather. My mother was intensely practical. If she was in a hurry, she drove us kids to school in her housecoat. She always drove us to and from our friend’s homes and she was there to warm milk over the stovetop to give us hot cocoa in the middle of the night if we’d have a nightmare. My mother had tall glasses with cocoa and sugar all prepared so she’d only have to heat the milk. She would wake us up with hugs and kisses and tucked us in at night with lots of love.
When we got older she shared her car and worked her schedule around ours. There was absolutely nothing in the entire world that my mother wouldn’t do for any of us. Love meant opening her heart so we all fit in, all of the time. She was simply a selfless lovely lady with class and grace and all things good.
My mother felt blessed that she had the life that she did with adoring parents who lived until a ripe old age, and a loving and appreciative husband, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to get so much pleasure from. She always appreciated all of us. Each of us felt extremely special. Also think I loved and appreciated my mother even more as I became a mother myself. I recognized the difficulty in balancing being a mother, wife and friend. My mother always made it look so easy even though we all put her through the ringer way too often.
My mom too had so many, many friends. Her phone rang every morning just after my dad would leave to work and she’d sit at the kitchen desk with her coffee with coffee mate and toast with marmalade and half a-slice of Kraft Cheddar and talk to her friends. Thanks Lillian, Lillian, and Shirley and all the rest whom I can’t think of at this time for repeatedly telling me how you felt about my mother and for being true friends to her. Of course the caretakers that my mom had are the best, just superb. Thank you to Gigi, Nina, Zini and those awesome guys Kerry and Julius. These people never complained about the detailed instructions they needed to follow to care for my mother and they made her last years, months and days as comfortable as they could possibly be.
My mother never complained, not about the difficulties that most of us children created for her at one point or another, or about the physical pain from osteoporosis, arthritis or more recently from Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s and her bleeding ulcer. She just took things in stride, believing that complaining didn’t help, but believing things would just always work out in the end. Every day when I would speak to my mother and ask her how she was doing she’d say, “A little better today”. There was no doubt in my mind that my mother wanted me to be protected from hearing that she wasn’t doing so well. She didn’t want me to worry about her. My mother was never the intrusive mother in law either. Although I’m her daughter, I know with certainty that the use of guilt was foreign to her. Our spouses (and we had a few) never felt obligated to join a family function yet understood that my mother’s home was theirs too. She was about making people feel welcome and respecting the rights and wishes of everyone. I learned a lot from that attitude: not to mistake kindness for weakness. My mother had a strong will and made it known when necessary. She would not let people take advantage of her good nature but would always be glad to give back twice as much as she received.
Her grandchildren were her special joy. When I knew that I’d be living out of town, or was aware that I’d not be able to offer my children the unique relationship that grandparents could give their children who live nearby. It tore me apart to think that my kids couldn’t just run over to Dufferin Rd. any time they felt like it. I knew very well what my children would be missing out on as I saw from the age of six how my mother doted over my first nephew Ricky and then of course David, precious Lori, Chelsea, Dylan, Harley and Ashley. Although my mother couldn’t make it to every school performance, music recital or sporting event in Toronto, she always knew exactly what each of my children was doing and each of our children always called in with an update on the latest happenings. When we came into Montreal, my mom would tie three balloons on the exterior of the front door, one for Cory, one for Oliver and one for Daryl. We would pull into the driveway and my kids immediately saw the special welcoming. Then when we went into the house, my mom wore one of the shirts that my kids said they loved. There was a black short sleeved t-shirt with big colorful buttons all over it that Daryl still talks about today. My three children although miles away, developed a special loving relationship with my mother. They didn’t have the physical proximity to be there as frequently as they would have liked, but they did have a special adoration for a grandma that they will never forget.
Dear sweet mother, forever, I will hold you dear to me and always remember the selfless devotion to your family and the unconditional love you showered upon us. Thank you for being the person that you are and making me the person who I am today. You are the very best human being ever created on this planet.
I will close with this thought from Ralph Waldo Emerson, which clearly epitomizes Zelda’s life … “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
Mom, I love you more than words can ever express.
EULOGY FOR MOTHER
ZELDA MAYOFF – JULY 13 2010
written and delivered by Doug Mayoff
OUR MOTHER WAS BORN IN MONTREAL IN JUNE 1923, TURNING 87 JUST RECENTLY. AT AGE 20, IN1943, MY PARENTS MARRIED, THAT’S OVER 67 YEARS TOGETHER.
MY MOTHER WOULD SEND WATCH STRAPS TO MY FATHER WHILE HE WAS IN THE SERVICE, AND HE’D SELL THEM ON THE BASE IN VICTORIA B.C. WHERE HE WAS STATIONED DURING THE WAR.
REUNITED AFTER THE WAR, WHILE MY FATHER FOCUSED ON BUILDING HIS BUSINESS TO PROVIDE THE TRAPPINGS OF A GREAT LIFE FOR HIS FAMILY, SHE VIRTUALLY SINGLE HANDEDLY RAISED US 5 CHILDREN, RAN A LARGE AND ACTIVE HOUSEHOLD, AND CATEREDTO OUR DAD WHO SHE SPOILED-SAME AS SHE DID US. OUR MOM PERSONIFIED GOOD SOLID OLD FASHION VALUES.
SHE HAD A SWEET TOOTH, SHE LOVED CANDIES, CHOCOLATE, AND ALL ASSORTED GOODIES, HER PURSE WAS A VIRTUAL CANDY STORE, AND SHE WAS ALWAYS OFFERING A SWEET. HER KITCHEN ALWAYS STOCKPILED WITH EVERY CONCEIVEABLE FOOD PRODUCT AND BEVERAGE, SHE TOOK SUCH PLEASURE IN HER MARKETING, AND OUR ENSUING ENJOYMENT. SHE WAS CONSTANTLY SHLEPPING IN BAG AFTER BAG OF GROCERIES TO REPLENISH HER STOCKS-LEST SHE BE OUT OF ANYTHING.
MOM COOKED, CLEANED, AND NOURISHED US ALL WITH HER LOVE. ALWAYS THERE TO LIFT US LITERALLY AND SPIRITUALLY, AND NEVER JUDGEMENTAL, SHE GAVE EVERYTHING SHE HAD AND MORE — BUT ASKED FOR NOTHING IN RETURN.
ALTHOUGH GROWING UP WE HAD HOUSEKEEPERS, MY MOTHER, DOTED ON THEM AS WELL. FOR MANY YEARS AFTER WE WERE ALL OUT OF THE HOUSE, VARIOUS HOUSEKEEPERS WHO HAD WORKED FOR THE FAMILY OVER THE YEARS, WOULD COME BY TO VISIT MY MOTHER AND TO RECEIVE HER WARM EMBRACE.
MY MOTHER ENJOYED AND PARTICIPATED IN MANY FUN ACTIVITIES. ALONG WITH MY FATHER, AS A YOUNGER WOMAN, SHE RODE HORSES IN THE DAYS WHEN YOU COULD RENT THEM ON MOUNT ROYAL.
TO PLEASE AND ENJOY TIME WITH HER CHILDREN, AND GRANDCHILDREN, SHE SWAM WITH ALL OF US WHEN DOWN SOUTH WINTER TIME, AND IN JUNE AFTER SCHOOL ENDED,AND BEFORE WE WENT OFF TO SUMMER CAMP,MOM AND HER AUNT MILDRED WOULD RENT A ROOM AT THE HOLIDAY IN ON COTE DE LIESSE,AND ALL THE KIDS WOULD SWIM AT THE HOTEL POOL FOR THE DAY – SHE EVEN CURLED WITH MY DAD AT THE ONLY, AND TODAY NON EXISITING JEWISH CURLING CLUB; GREYSTONE – SPENDING MANY HAPPY TIMES THERE.
SHE HAD GREAT RYTHYM,LOVED MUSIC & SHE LOVED TO DANCE. SELF TAUGHT,PLAYING PIANO BY EAR,GROWING UP SUNDAY NIGHTS AT DUFFERIN ROAD WHERE MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN LIVING TILL TODAY, SOME 57 YEARS — IF WE WEREN’T AT JASMINS IN CHINA TOWN FOR SUPPER, WAS OFTENTIMES A MUSIC FEST.
MY BROTHER ROBERT AND I WOULD PLAY GUITAR AND SING, DAD WOULD PLAY THE HARMONICA, AND MOM THE PIANO. SHE HAD A WONDERFUL VOICE, AND SANG BEAUTIFUL HARMONY. HER BROTHER, UNCLE SID MIGHT JOIN IN WITH HIS CLARINET & ASSORTED FAMILY MEMBERS,WOULD PLAY THE MARACHAS, ACCCORDIAN, AND GENERALLY ENJOY A REALLY WHOLESOME & FUN FAMILY SUNDAY,BBQING IN THE FIREPLACE, OR OTHERWISE ORDERING IN CHINESE FROM PUMPERNICKS OR RUBY FOOS, OR PIZZA FROM NELLOS, MAMA MIA, OR TASTY FOOD. WRAPPING UP THE EVENING WATCHING ED SULLIVAN, AND BONANZA, THOSE WERE SUCH HAPPY INNOCENT TIMES FOR HER AND FOR ALL OF US.
MOM WAS THE MOST WARM, CARING, SELFLESS, AND REALLY DELICIOUS SOUL. SHE DROVE ALL 5 OF US TO AND FROM SCHOOL , DID OUR HOMEWORK WITH US, ATTENDED ALL THE SCHOOL MEETINGS, WAS SAD WHEN WE WERE SAD,AND HAPPY WHEN WE WERE SO.
ALWAYS SIDING FOR THE UNDERDOG, AND DRAWN TO THE LESS FORTUNATE, OR SICK, SHE SPENT YEARS VISITNG A DISTANT RELATIVE TO MY FATHER WHO WAS INSTITUTIONALIZED FROM CHILDHOOD. SUPREMELY SELFLESS, GENUINE AND GENEROUS ACTS OF KINDNESS, WITH WARMTH AND CONSIDERATION — THIS WAS HER, THROUGHOUT HER ENTIRE LIFEALWAYS GIVNG AND DOING FOR OTHERS SHE WAS A GIVER, NOT A TAKER.
MATERIAL TRAPPINGS MEANT LESS THAN NOTHING TO HER HER PEACE AND HAPPINESS CAME FROM HER FAMILIES PEACE AND HAPPINESS.
FAMILY WEEKNIGHT DINNERS WERE ALWAYS DELICIOUSLY HOME COOKED AND FRIENDS WERE ALWAYS WARMLY WELCOMED. SHE WAS A WONDERFUL COOK, AND BAKER. ONLY WHEN WE ALL HAD BEEN SERVED, WOULD SHE THEN TAKE WHAT SHE THOUGHT NO ONE ELSE MIGHT WANT.
MOM HAD THE MOST SPECIAL WONDERFUL PARENTS IN DORA AND HARRY, AND WAS SO DEVOTED AND DOTING TO THEM BOTH. SHE WAS VERY CLOSE AND HAD A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH HER BROTHER SIDNEY AND HER LATE SISTER PHYLLIS, AND SHE CARED DEEPLY FOR AND WAS LOVED BY HER MANY NIECES ,NEPHEWS, COUSINS AND FRIENDS.
SHE WAS THE GLUE THAT KEPT ME, AND MY 4 SIBLINGS TOGETHER.
SHE ADORED HER GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT GRANDCHILDREN, AND WAS CRUSHED AND DEVASTATED WHEN DONNA’S DAUGHTER LORI PASSED AWAY AT AGE 23. THERE’S WAS A SPECIAL BOND, AND SHE’LL BE BURIED NEXT TO LORI TODAY.
OUR MOTHER WAS IN DECLINING HEALTH THESE PAST 3 YEARS, AND I WOULD LIKE TO ESPECIALLY ACKNOWLEDGE MY SISTER DONNA WHO LED A WONDERFUL AND DEDICATED GROUP OF CAREGIVERS; KERRY,ZINNY,GIGI,JULIUS AND NINA. OUR SINCERE THANKS ALSO TO NURSE ELANA, DR.JOHN BACKLER,DR.ROBIN BILLICK AND SPECIAL THANKS TO DR.RUBIN BECKER FOR HIS EXPERT, WARM AND COMPASSIONATE CARE.
I MUST TAKE A MOMENT TO MENTION MY ELDER BROTHER ROBERTS RECENT LOSS OF HIS BELOVED WIFE WENDY, MAKING THIS PERIOD AN EVEN MORE PROFOUNDLY DIFFICULT ONE FOR HIM.
WE WILL ALL MISS OUR ZELLY GIRL TERRIBLY, AND THOUGH OUR PAIN RUNS IMMEASUREABLY DEEP— WE DO AT THE SAME TIME ACCEPT HER PASSING AS PART OF THE PRICE OF HAVING HAD THE BEST, MOST LOVING MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER, AND DEVOTED WIFE ANYONE COULD EVER ASK FOR.
WE WILL CHERISH HER SPIRIT OF LOVING GOODNESS FOREVER, AND SHE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN OUR WARM GUIDING LIGHT.
MOM …
A Poem by Donna (Mayoff) Black
I love you so, but you must go
To a tranquil place we all know
With a broken heart, I must say good-bye
We’ll meet again when I’ll be by your side
I was truly blessed to have the best
My mom, my friend, nothing less
The love and devotion you have shown
Made for me a happy home
Your home cooked meals were sheer delight
The delicious baked goods done just right
You were always there for all of us
Through thick and thin, when times were tough
Your giving and unselfish ways
Made for many happier days
Hospital visits and lunches out
You chauffeured friends round about
I cherish the time we had together
I will love you forever
You have left a legacy
We will all remember
– Donna
MY PERSONAL MESSAGE ACCOMPANYING GRANDMA ON HER NEW JOURNEY
by Harley Dean Mayoff
DEAR GRANDMA,
YOU’RE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, NO DOUBT,AND ANY ON EARTH WOULD SAY WITH REASON…A GIVER, A LOVER, NEVER A HATER.
I NEVER REALLY KNEW YOU OR AT LEAST DON’T REMEMBER YOU IN YOUR PRIME, BUT I HEARD AND STILL EVEN IN YOUR UNHEALTHY STAGES OF LIFE KNOW WHAT A MAGICAL WOMAN YOU WERE.
NOW AFTER BEING FREED FROM YOUR PAIN THAT YOU HAD SUFFERED FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS, I AM POSITIVE YOU WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL IN HEAVEN.
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA *KISSES BLOWN*